Finding Allies in Big Boxes
Over the years I have become so in tune with my body, that I can tell when I will have seizure like activity. This has taken lots of time as patience. I feel the tingling and restlessness in my legs that warn me of the jumping motions that will occur in a few moments. I have come to realize that the intense odor of chicken I suddenly smell, can happen in places other than KFC and Chick-fil-A. Reluctantly I have taught myself to put my pride aside and become friends with the auras and seizure like activities, instead of treating them like an enemy. The moment I felt an indication that my body was going to react to the overstimulation I was experiencing, I would put my guard up. I would not give into it, I told myself I was stronger than that. As time has passed, I learned that I more I suppressed the energy inside of me that needed to be released, the bigger and more impactful the release would be when it occurred. Accepting my condition has been key to educating others on my needs and boundaries.
Recently, I went shopping at a big box wholesale store. I have shopped at this store’s particular location with my family since 1996. Throughout the years the store’s management and staff have always accommodated my needs to provide a pleasant and efficient shopping experience. I have learned from experience that the best day and time to shop for me is a weekday anywhere from open to 2p.m. On this day, the crowd wasn’t very overwhelming, and I decided to stay. Halfway through, I heard someone scream continuously. It was loud and consistent, it sounded very purposeful. Immediately I tensed up and my body temperature rose. I felt my cheeks get red. As I continued to shop my body gave me more resistance every time I heard one of these outburst. After several times, saw where it was coming from, but I didn’t understand what I was seeing, I saw two people hugging. I was able to see that the person who was screaming was expressing joy and appreciation for the person he was embracing. However, my body continued to resist and lock up.
As I told myself that I could see this trip though, I dragged my newly developed 100 lb legs across the shiny white floor. I got in line and the loud vocal expressions resumed. The man was tall thin man, greeting one of the employees with an embrace and the innocence of a child. The embrace was long, genuine and the employee allowed it to last as long as its giver needed it to last. I was able to see that he was with his group, and they were with their caregivers. He turned around and said very loudly “Hello everybody!” in unison the whole store replied “Hi!” as if they had all rehearsed this response earlier that day. Despite my admiration and appreciation for the situation, my nervous system had already begun to respond with shaky limbs and tears brimming in my eyes. A man noticed that I was in distress and got the attention of an employee. I explained the situation as best I could in between my gasps for air. I felt my body shutting down and quickly went through my mental toolbox for a way to stay in my body. Right, left, right, left. All I had to do was move one foot at a time, right, left, right, left. With the employee by my side supporting me we walked with purpose, one step at a time.
Once upfront, where the managers cash registers were, I explained the situation and they provided me with water and compassion. They quickly cashed me out and gave me further details about what was occurring. The man lived in a group home, and they made biweekly visits to the store. They had been visiting for a least five years and the man had grown to love the employees like family, and they had grown fondly of him. After two bottles of water and several deep breaths I felt safe in my body again and no longer felt triggered. I am still very impressed with the values of the employees and the genuine compassion they were able to provide to the both of us that day. I learned that allies not only exist in places designed specially for disabled people but can come in big boxes to, from people with big hearts.